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Just feel in' these pictures lately. The emotions in them to the styling and the pretty clothing.
Photo credits to their individual owners xx

Things I Wished Someone Told Me (You Will Be Okay)

These are just a couple of things I wish someone told me before I entered school in Poly or in any other institution for that matter.

How I'd like to think I look like lol

*I apologize for the masochistic theme that will run throughout this blog post but bear with me, this gemini can no longer stand keeping these thoughts to herself*

1. The friends you make on the first day in school won't necessarily be your friends throughout the semester/year of education/the whole duration of your education (LOL)

I find that this is so important. Maybe it's because we are of the strawberry generation but often, we find that it is necessary to fit in, be cool and surround yourself with friends. But I have experienced that whole "the worst feeling is to feel lonely in a group of people" drama-esque dilemma and I realized, you don't have to limit your mindset. Stop thinking that the friends you make on the first day of school will always be your friends. Because let's face it - Friends do come and go (at least for me). Maybe I'm just bad at maintaining relationships but sometimes, when things don't work out anymore, you have to let it go. If you're one of the lucky ones who's always surrounded by reliable group of friends, I envy you.

But at the same time, I don't. Because while feeling lonely in the circle of "friends" I had, I realized how much more important it is for me to admit that I am okay with being alone. Ultimately, you will die alone. So why not train from now?

Plus, get out of your comfort zone. The only reason why I stuck to these group of people is because they were the first group of people I befriended and I got comfortable with that. I didn't want to take the risk of not having friends and didn't dare get out and make new relationships. Thank god for Liying, Carissa, Mavis, PeiQin, Dom, Wen Zhi and many more (you know who you are) who showed me that I don't have to stick to them anymore - there are others who care about me too. And for that, I am really thankful and eternally grateful towards them.

Maybe I'm just a sour wart (what?!) 'cause I am a lonely kid with personality issues and visual complexes BUT I am unapologetic about myself and that's all I have to say.

2. This too shall pass.

Now, inhale & repeat this with me: This too shall pass. Anxiety that stems from uncertainty can be really suffocating and all you'd want to do is break down and give up. BUT DON'T. Hold your head high and take it all in because no matter what happens, there's only 24 hours in a day and only so much can happen within that duration. Things will rot and dry out eventually and there is nothing you can do to speed up the process. Don't we all wish we had a remote or a cheat code just so we can fast-forward painful moments and land ourselves in an eternal clock of happiness?

BUT BAM. Reality strikes us square in our face and we realize we cannot do that. Instead all we can do is breathe, pull through and suck it up. Yes, suck it up. You have to go to school and face those people that you may not like as much as you used to because you have to be present for grades. Education is supposed to be an enriching process where you learn and gain awareness 'bout things that you're into but school - mingling with other humans who only know how to push away things they don't understand makes it so hard. Everyday I remind myself that no matter what, I have to be civil to these people because hey, we're all trying to graduate. We may not be friends (heck we won't even say hi! but at least we all have one common goal: that is to graduate) and that is okay! Cool, just tell me what to do and know what? I won't even bother giving you my input/opinion because I know all our only hear but never listen.

And this is really apparent because (pardon me for the rambling, I NEED TO GET THIS OUT) that one time we try to collaborate on a question, though I spoke up, none of my parts was actually taken into consideration. Wow, congrats guys for making me realize that I don't need to be there. So from now onwards, I'll be there just to please your eyes and prove to ya'll that I can attend meetings but I'll be your cute little puppet and agree to everything because hell, if I say anything I'd doubt any of you will listen.

But anyway, this too shall pass. A few more weeks, one more semester and off we go for individual internship - no need for group work no more.

Meowednesday

When you're mid-way through the 5-day week and you just want to be a cat.

Mid-week Feels

As I slog through slides on powerpoint, blue ink all over my fingers and endless playlists to keep me awake mugging for a stupid test.

Frida for Glamour France, Style Scrapbook, Tattoologist

China Throwback

This is the delayed, much overdue pictures from my recent 5-week school trip to Wuhan and Shanghai, China. Long story cut short, never gonna visit China unless I have business or something. Not the country for me but it does has its own perks!

Thank god for VPN so we at least had access to Twitter and Instagram while we were there. The only thing I miss? The cool weather back there. Oh and the wonderful Singapore Airlines flight back home.

Most of the pictures are raw 'cause I don't know how to edit (unless we're talking Instagram or VSCOcam) especially those of the sky/in the air 'cause God made them way too beautiful. It was during that flight that I decided that I should only fly Singapore Airlines and I should fly at dusk.

I apologise for the bad quality photos, iPhone 5 and I did our best.

More after the jump

Music Monday

"[They] Tell me I've changed and I think so too 

'Cause that's what I want - from the floor to a Champion

Trying something new with this blog with routined blog posts coming every other day (I hope)! So to get the ball rollin', here's my pick this Monday. Bobby's a YG Trainee who's been acknowledged for his witty and split second fast rap style. And boy oh boy this guy's jawline is so sharp I bet it could cut through cheese.

I've always been a fan of YG Entertainment (the label to BigBang, 2NE1 with leader CL's upcoming US debut and their latest group, WINNER) and seeing Bobby's growth from "Who's Next?" to "Show Me The Money 3" - which by the way, he was crowned the champion from 3,000 other rappers in South Korea - blows my mind. The talent in this Virginia born '95 year old is crazy. One of my favorites from Bobby would definitely be his final song "BOUNCE". This song despite its heavy message, has a great hook that manages to extinguish whatever anger I have in me (at that moment) and enjoy the damn song.



For those who don't understand Korean, he's basically dissing Idol rappers who rap just 'cause they can't sing and the stereotypes/prejudice that Idol rappers face because of other rappers who aren't good enough. Man this song has been on replay literally at least 10 times a day.

Plus, just look at how cute he is?! Crowned Champion at Show Me The Money 3, he was fully entitled to the 100 Million (yes, million, MILLION) Won and his message to this family members were "Start packing". Bobby, adopt me anytime.

More of Bobby after the cut!

HAIR MANE

C O N F E S S I O N

This is probably the most inappropriate time for a blog post. Nevertheless, here I am - word after word - hoping to let out some pent-up stress I've accumulated thus far.

With submissions and tests literally round the corner (the former in less than 12 hours), I am at a complete loss in terms of study. I don't know what I know and what I don't know. Can someone spell "FAILURE" for me? 'Cause honestly I've been so lost this year/semester that it doesn't bother me that I am failing anymore. Okay that is probably a lie because yes, it does bother me when I fail or perform sub-par or worse, have my work constantly commented on by my group mates simply because my work isn't good enough. 

Which leads me to my next point - maybe I'm just not fit for this. Maybe I do not possess that "Higher-level thinking order" that is the basic requirement for this field of study. Maybe I'm just stupid and I'm just a load of burden that my group mates have to carry. 

Maybe, just maybe, my nonexistence makes everyone's life a lot better.

I just want to leave. Want to quit. Want to stop.
I want to find a reason. I want to understand why I'm studying what I'm studying. I want that spark of blinding fireworks of eureka to happen as I attend school at 8:30AM all excited to learn.

I want all this mundane activities to stop. I don't want to see things in black and white anymore - I want splashes of colors here and there. 

Losing friends, losing myself, the shift from an extrovert into an introvert... I am at a loss.  

I want to feel the sun kiss my skin, and watch the light grow inside of me. So yes, I know better, and yes I will try to do better. I will trust that this uncomfortable feeling will fade into peace, and I will be one step closer to being free in me. 

 

Everyone felt this before

Boho Feels

Morning Zombie

It's 7:48AM as I'm typing this. I know it's not a crazy morning time to be awake or to wake up at but I've been awake since 2AM? And I haven't been able to fall back asleep since! *cries* Dammit can someone please fix my body. Speaking of body, I have serious face issues (LOL). It's been breaking out like crazy! No acne/pimple cream can save it *insert cries*

Other than that, I just feel so lost. Besides that, I have 2 weeks worth of MC (Medical Certificate aka the one thing that certifies the fact that I need not attend school) but I am still going to school. Groan. Why do I do these things to myself?

MEH. meh. meh.

Here's a cute kitty to brighten your day!

Till then, dimisitque!

3 WORDS TEEN CRISIS RANT

LIFE JUST SUCKS

(right now)

I would love to elaborate but I'll keep it simple - School has resumed and although it isn't in full swing just yet, the DRAMA in school has been... crazy to say the least. So tired, mentally and physically drained and with a barely there ankle, I'm ready to call "I quit!"

Could anyone jet set me off to another country and let me study there instead. Please! (Or as the cool "peeps" say it: pl0x)

HAIR X FACE

URGH

WORST YEAR (as of yet)

Let me just start with 2014 has got to be one of the worse the worst year ever in my soon to be 18 years of living.

Here are just a few reasons why it has been horrible:

1. I broke my ankle.
2. I had 3 screws implanted into my ankle (yes you read that right).
3. The LCD screen of my macbook was broken.
4. The repair amounted to SGD300.
5. My bank account is at its all time low.
6. SO. MUCH. STRESS.

Is it meant to be? Fate? Karma? Coincidence? You tell me.

To the Universe, you suck! Early in the year (January 8 or something, why should I remember an ill-fated date anyway, I went for the Zombie Run held here. And walaaaaa I broke my ankle into 3 pieces. One of the bones were so badly broken that the surgeon had to pick out the tiny pieces. IT WAS THAT BAD. And I'm not exaggerating. But okay I thought I'm still pretty young so I would probably recover fast right? NO. The expected full recovery period is somewhere between 4-18 months. Well it's been 4 months and thankfully I can walk but strictly no strenuous walking, no jumping and no running. Recently I had the screws removed so my bones are even more susceptible to breaking/getting injured again.

Express Yourself

I've (secretly) always wanted a tattoo for myself. I find tattoos are a great way to express yourself. It may be in words or an image. Personally, I prefer the tattoos in words 'cause I find them more delicate  but very strong and blunt. Had it my way, I'd have mine probably at the back of my neck, my wrist, just underneath my collarbone or the inside of my arms. Somewhere concealed yet obvious.

But till then, I guess marker (sharpie) pens are the way to go. I'll never get them but I can always dream of getting them.

Images from Tattoologist.

More after the break