ZARA SALE WISHLIST

Gotta get 'em all!

(as I procrastinate even though my exams are in a few hours)

HOW TO: Handle Your F*^&^% Ups/ Snapchat Story

1. Accept it.

Big whoop - you've messed up. Fret not, it's a bad day not a bad life! People can mess up and people do mess up all the time. Take some time to calm down and let that fact sink into the deepest embers of your body. Feel the regret and overwhelming disappointment that will roll over like high tides.

You have to feel it because only then will you be able to assess the damage done.

This morning, I had to cancel my interview because it would clash with my class schedule. What a mess! I had a good talk with the module leader at 7 AM in the morning. Although he was slightly sassy and sarcastic (that with a rather soothing tone), I totally understood his perspective on things. Heck, nobody would be in the mood to settle problems at such ungodly hour.

I apologise profusely and thanked him during the phone call. After which, I panicked and took 5 minutes to collect myself. Phew, what a morning.

2. Move past it.

Now that you've wallowed in the misery and have fully accepted the fact that yes, you messed up (if not, get back to 1), it's time to take proactive action. If you were lucky and had the chance to chat with your superior/in-charge regarding the mess, ask for advice. Ask yourself the following: What should you do next? What can you do to rectify the situation? How can you move past it?

Once you've got the answers to them (or a rough idea), take action. If you can, do it almost immediately. The faster you take action, it reduces the amount of mess you have to clean up afterwards.

In my case, I immediately emailed the people affected by the situation. After which, I left home and rushed to school so I won't be late.

3. Be optimistic.

Not gonna sugar coat, this is probably the most difficult part of coping with mess. After the whole shenanigan, it would only be human nature to reflect on our mistakes. But it's also important to realise that we should not dwell on these mistakes. After accepting the fact that it's a mistake and that you've taken actions to improve the situation, you probably have nothing else to do right? I mean you've done all you could. So what's left to do? Mind control.

Tell yourself you can do it. You got this. A pat on the back and a head held high, move on with the rest of your day.

4. Breathe

Lastly but most importantly, breathe guys. Take a time out after all that and calm down. Collect your thoughts and eliminate negativity.

For me, I took a nap. Nothing better than that right?

The takeaway here is that everyone messes up sometimes but what you do with the mess afterwards is important. The actions that you take after that will be impactful - it can exacerbate the problems or help to minimise damage/losses.

Calm down guys - it's a bad day, not a bad life.

Smooth Sailing (NOT) / This Week's Feels

I can feel IT. I'm back in my spiral - missing work, messing up my dates and et cetera. Just want a pause and stop living my life this way. 

How I: Deal with [It]

Life can get so complicated sometimes that I'd rather have a manual laid out in front of me. But, what's the fun in that? Nonetheless, there are some things I do just so I can sleep at night and wake up  hustlin' the next day.

1. How I deal with: Toxic 

From friends to food, toxic are people/things I do not want to associate myself with. To me, these things got to go. So, like I've mentioned in my previous post (You have the Power), I remove them. Easier for objects than for friends though because objects are things that you may not have emotional attachments for but with friends that are toxic, a lot more work and thoughts' needed but eventually, the ball is in your court. And for me, that ball's out.

2. How I deal with: Self-esteem

Truth be told, I'm still struggling with this. With the advancement in technology in this day and age, it's almost impossible to escape from the world's standard of beauty. You know the drill (cue the slogans), Tumblr girls rule the world. They'd be getting 1000+ likes in a matter of seconds on Instagram and hell, they look amazing. But then you look at yourself (or me at myself) and BAM reality. 

But you have the choice. To love yourself first above all else. Accept your body and your issues. Embrace them and work on them. Always, all day. Go out, exercise. Eat that McDonald burger you want but also eat in moderation. Do what you want and do things that you know will be good for you - your body will thank you for it. Heck! You were born into it. Take care of it. OWN IT.

3. How I deal with: Stress

I run. I sleep. I procrastinate. I'm stressed.

So then I fall into this frenzy of a high where I make to-do notes and tackle them head on. Better late than never, right?

4 Ways to Remove Negativity - The Power is Yours!

1. Block/Unfollow

When I went through a difficult time in school, I would always surround myself with people who were like-minded - or so I thought. It then dawned on me that I want to stop feeling so frustrated everyday. I want to be that kid who's scoring well and is always smiling. I figured I needed to cut off that bad energy I'd receive from these people. 

And so I did! I unfollowed them on Twitter/Instagram and any other related channels. I slowly but surely stopped myself from exuding that bad energy myself around these people. Furthermore, I decided to socialize more and meet new people - or even get to know the old ones better. In my case, I got closer to other classmates that I'd never thought would be so encouraging. They became a positive influence in school and because of them, I dread school a lot lesser than before. This may sound childish or immature to some but really - by eliminating all negative sources in your life, you'd be surprised by how much happier you could be!

2. Breathe

One of my favorite artists ever, CL, always takes time to meditate despite her busy schedule. Heck! Why waste time like that, right?

But taking 2-5 minutes of your time to breathe and focus really does the trick. It calms your thoughts and centers your mind. With that said, you don't have to meditate. For me, my escapade is through music. Often during my ride to school or back to home, I'd take the 45 minutes bus ride to listen to music. Genres can range from Hip-Hop to R&B and it doesn't matter. I needed the music so I can zone out for awhile - away from the hustle and bustle that's in my thoughts and in this city. Living in a 1st world country where living expenses are steadily on the rise daily and the pressures to outdo each other increases by the hour, my bus rides are essentially incredibly precious.

3. Always see Positivity

Even in the littlest of things. If you missed your bus and you're late for class AND you didn't bring your earpiece, realize that because of that you can stare out the windows and notice things you've never seen. The greenery in the trees or the kid begging his mum for some ice-cream during the hot day. True story - I am so grateful towards this complete stranger who sheltered me during a heavy rainstorm.

I was on my way to work when it started pouring cats and dogs and the winds were so strong, it didn't seem like Singapore at all. When I got to the busstop, I walked all the way sheltered by the makeshift pathway. And then, I came to the end of the sheltered route. Already aware of how late I would be if I continued waiting for the rain to stop (or at least get lighter), I was ready to call my Manager. However, at that very moment! A Chinese men in his early thirties offered me his umbrella. I immediately jumped at his offer and off we went, shoulders rubbing against each other and his maneuvering the umbrella so it would shelter me more than it would him. One obstacle after another (they blocked a route like why?!?!), he never once took the umbrella away from me - even when his shoulders were soaking wet. His words were simple, "I'm already on my way home. You're dressed so prettily but it's a shame you got wet! Do you want my umbrella for later?" 

Good things come when you least expect it and never assume the negative first. Even during the gloomiest day(s), always always strive to see the best in everything.

4. Take it one step at a time

As long as you constantly put one foot down after another, you're gonna reach your goal sooner or later. The pace though, is totally up to you. Therefore it's best to remember this - Don't Ever Give Up. At times I do feel tempted to catch-up with the folks who I used to hang out with. I would secretly stalk them via SNS or by asking my friends. However, soon I realize that this is wrong! This can/does and will undo all the effort I've painstakingly put in. 

Everyday will be a challenge, that much is true. But do you know what else is true? It will get better. Soon you'll see that you're not having it that bad. Remember that all you have to do is perform at the best of your abilities and not to other's. You do you and let them do them! 

Things I Wished Someone Told Me (You Will Be Okay)

These are just a couple of things I wish someone told me before I entered school in Poly or in any other institution for that matter.

How I'd like to think I look like lol

*I apologize for the masochistic theme that will run throughout this blog post but bear with me, this gemini can no longer stand keeping these thoughts to herself*

1. The friends you make on the first day in school won't necessarily be your friends throughout the semester/year of education/the whole duration of your education (LOL)

I find that this is so important. Maybe it's because we are of the strawberry generation but often, we find that it is necessary to fit in, be cool and surround yourself with friends. But I have experienced that whole "the worst feeling is to feel lonely in a group of people" drama-esque dilemma and I realized, you don't have to limit your mindset. Stop thinking that the friends you make on the first day of school will always be your friends. Because let's face it - Friends do come and go (at least for me). Maybe I'm just bad at maintaining relationships but sometimes, when things don't work out anymore, you have to let it go. If you're one of the lucky ones who's always surrounded by reliable group of friends, I envy you.

But at the same time, I don't. Because while feeling lonely in the circle of "friends" I had, I realized how much more important it is for me to admit that I am okay with being alone. Ultimately, you will die alone. So why not train from now?

Plus, get out of your comfort zone. The only reason why I stuck to these group of people is because they were the first group of people I befriended and I got comfortable with that. I didn't want to take the risk of not having friends and didn't dare get out and make new relationships. Thank god for Liying, Carissa, Mavis, PeiQin, Dom, Wen Zhi and many more (you know who you are) who showed me that I don't have to stick to them anymore - there are others who care about me too. And for that, I am really thankful and eternally grateful towards them.

Maybe I'm just a sour wart (what?!) 'cause I am a lonely kid with personality issues and visual complexes BUT I am unapologetic about myself and that's all I have to say.

2. This too shall pass.

Now, inhale & repeat this with me: This too shall pass. Anxiety that stems from uncertainty can be really suffocating and all you'd want to do is break down and give up. BUT DON'T. Hold your head high and take it all in because no matter what happens, there's only 24 hours in a day and only so much can happen within that duration. Things will rot and dry out eventually and there is nothing you can do to speed up the process. Don't we all wish we had a remote or a cheat code just so we can fast-forward painful moments and land ourselves in an eternal clock of happiness?

BUT BAM. Reality strikes us square in our face and we realize we cannot do that. Instead all we can do is breathe, pull through and suck it up. Yes, suck it up. You have to go to school and face those people that you may not like as much as you used to because you have to be present for grades. Education is supposed to be an enriching process where you learn and gain awareness 'bout things that you're into but school - mingling with other humans who only know how to push away things they don't understand makes it so hard. Everyday I remind myself that no matter what, I have to be civil to these people because hey, we're all trying to graduate. We may not be friends (heck we won't even say hi! but at least we all have one common goal: that is to graduate) and that is okay! Cool, just tell me what to do and know what? I won't even bother giving you my input/opinion because I know all our only hear but never listen.

And this is really apparent because (pardon me for the rambling, I NEED TO GET THIS OUT) that one time we try to collaborate on a question, though I spoke up, none of my parts was actually taken into consideration. Wow, congrats guys for making me realize that I don't need to be there. So from now onwards, I'll be there just to please your eyes and prove to ya'll that I can attend meetings but I'll be your cute little puppet and agree to everything because hell, if I say anything I'd doubt any of you will listen.

But anyway, this too shall pass. A few more weeks, one more semester and off we go for individual internship - no need for group work no more.

C O N F E S S I O N

This is probably the most inappropriate time for a blog post. Nevertheless, here I am - word after word - hoping to let out some pent-up stress I've accumulated thus far.

With submissions and tests literally round the corner (the former in less than 12 hours), I am at a complete loss in terms of study. I don't know what I know and what I don't know. Can someone spell "FAILURE" for me? 'Cause honestly I've been so lost this year/semester that it doesn't bother me that I am failing anymore. Okay that is probably a lie because yes, it does bother me when I fail or perform sub-par or worse, have my work constantly commented on by my group mates simply because my work isn't good enough. 

Which leads me to my next point - maybe I'm just not fit for this. Maybe I do not possess that "Higher-level thinking order" that is the basic requirement for this field of study. Maybe I'm just stupid and I'm just a load of burden that my group mates have to carry. 

Maybe, just maybe, my nonexistence makes everyone's life a lot better.

I just want to leave. Want to quit. Want to stop.
I want to find a reason. I want to understand why I'm studying what I'm studying. I want that spark of blinding fireworks of eureka to happen as I attend school at 8:30AM all excited to learn.

I want all this mundane activities to stop. I don't want to see things in black and white anymore - I want splashes of colors here and there. 

Losing friends, losing myself, the shift from an extrovert into an introvert... I am at a loss.  

I want to feel the sun kiss my skin, and watch the light grow inside of me. So yes, I know better, and yes I will try to do better. I will trust that this uncomfortable feeling will fade into peace, and I will be one step closer to being free in me. 

 

Morning Zombie

It's 7:48AM as I'm typing this. I know it's not a crazy morning time to be awake or to wake up at but I've been awake since 2AM? And I haven't been able to fall back asleep since! *cries* Dammit can someone please fix my body. Speaking of body, I have serious face issues (LOL). It's been breaking out like crazy! No acne/pimple cream can save it *insert cries*

Other than that, I just feel so lost. Besides that, I have 2 weeks worth of MC (Medical Certificate aka the one thing that certifies the fact that I need not attend school) but I am still going to school. Groan. Why do I do these things to myself?

MEH. meh. meh.

Here's a cute kitty to brighten your day!

Till then, dimisitque!

3 WORDS TEEN CRISIS RANT

LIFE JUST SUCKS

(right now)

I would love to elaborate but I'll keep it simple - School has resumed and although it isn't in full swing just yet, the DRAMA in school has been... crazy to say the least. So tired, mentally and physically drained and with a barely there ankle, I'm ready to call "I quit!"

Could anyone jet set me off to another country and let me study there instead. Please! (Or as the cool "peeps" say it: pl0x)

Everybody Has Those Days